Mukhang Deadly. Mahirap Daw. Mahal Din. My Destiny?

Nagsimula ang lahat sa sanaysay na ito:

         Being a doctor was not a life-long dream. As a child, I really never dreamt of going into this career. Remember how teachers would ask back then ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ I remember answering sorts of stuff like I want to be an astronaut, a broadcaster, or a pilot. Then half of our class would say they want to be doctors. I guess, it’s one of the standard answers of children to that question. This statement is usually followed by the ‘because I want to help the sick and the poor’ statement. At the back of my mind that time, why would they want to be doctors when we all know that most of us cry when getting shots or when being forced to drink bitter medicines? Before, I thought that the hospital is a scary place. It is where sick people are being confined, it is where my lolo died, and I’ve come to think that once you get into a hospital, the chance of living can also be a chance of dying or the chance of dying can also be a chance of living.

          Hindi ko rin magets kung pano ko napunta dito. Kasi ang alam ko yung mga pangarap ko talaga dati eh maging WWE wrestler, NBA superstar, F1 racer, o kaya piloto! Tapos nung naisip kong masyadong mapangarap ang mga pangarap ko, nag-downgrade ako at nilagay na first choice ang B.S. Business Administration and Accountancy sa UPCAT form, B.S. Commerce sa UST form, at B.S. Business Administration sa La Salle form. Nung first year ko sa UP bilang Tourism major eh reading-ready na kong mag-shift sa BAA matapos lang ang second semester. Pinagusapan pa namin ng mga blockmates ko na sabay-sabay kaming lilipat sa aming dream college. Tapos, nangyari to:

           So, where’s the turning point in my story? When I entered my first year in college, I was already planning on shifting in a business course right after the second semester ends. But my plans got kind of mixed up when I bumped into an incident I didn’t know would change my life. As me and my friends were eating lunch one break, a mother approached our table showing receipts, prescriptions, and a lot of papers. She was asking for a little help for her child who has a heart problem. It was my first time encountering a person showing me prescriptions and receipts, asking me to take part in saving her child’s life. At that time, I remembered what my dad said about our class valedictorian in high school. He said that it would be nice if that friend of mine would be a doctor someday. He believes that people who have the capacity to learn should try to be doctors. It was the first time when I thought, why not try to be a doctor? Rather than handing out money, wouldn't it be a lot better if I can do the helping part first hand? And there goes back my childhood memories. In the end, I found myself saying that ‘I want to be a doctor so that I could help the sick and the poor’ line. I’m not a philanthropist or anything, but from then on, I decided, I want to give this a shot. By the end of the second semester of 2008, I handed out my application forms in pre-med courses. And now, after studying the science of life, I’m finally in this road leading to the path that I think would change my life forever.

          Minsan, napapaisip pa rin ako kung dito ba talaga ako nababagay. Kung ito ba yung dahilan kung bakit ako nabubuhay. Hindi ko rin talaga alam. Madalas, natatakot ako sa future. Madalas, natatakot ako sa failure. Pero, nandito na ko. Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na kahit anong mangyari I shall do my best. Para at the end of the day, wala akong pagsisihan. Mahirap mag-med. Madaming readings. Maraming imememorize. Maraming mawawalang gala time. Pero kung iisipin, buhay daw kasi ang nakasalalay. Hindi pwede ang dating gawi na ayos lang manghula ng sagot, ayos lang kung hindi mo masyadong binasa yung readings, ayos lang kalimutan ang lahat after one sem. 

          Minsan pinasulat kami ng isang prof ng rason kung bakit gusto namin maging doktor. At sa notebook ko, ganito ang nakalagay:

Reason: _________________________________

          Hindi ko pa alam. Ayoko naman umimbento. Ayoko naman ilagay yung 'to help the poor and the sick' line. Ayoko rin ilagay na 'gusto ko kasi ng wooden book stand na bagay na bagay sa med books.'

        Siguro hindi ko pa lubusang naiintindihan ngayon. Pero, umaasa ako na sa pagpapatuloy ko sa pinili kong buhay o kung tadhana mang matatawag ito, ay balang araw, magiging malinaw din sakin ang lahat. Balang araw, mapupunan ko rin ang linyang iniwan kong walang sulat. 

         Sa ngayon, bagong school life. I-eenjoy ko muna ang pagiging estudyante ko for the nth time. Hello post grad school!

Hello books! 

PS. Ang corny lang ng title. Wala kasi akong maisip.